FOREWORD: The following content contains inner ramblings from a 32yr old head. My head. Some insecurities may be revealed, we've all got them right? About a month ago, I was super lucky to spend the day with the gorgeous and talented friend of mine, Joana. Super generous, Joana put aside her time to get some snaps of me. Some promo portraits along with some for a project I'm working on (watch this space).
Firstly - I cancelled on her (bless her forgiving and patient soul) about 4 times. It took me 6 months to actually get up the courage to just go along with it! In hindsight, it was definitely Joana who was putting in the time and effort into the day, all I had to do was to laugh, move, have fun and act 'natural'. The latter proving an almighty challenge. BUT at the end of the day I felt happy, relaxed and refreshed from spending a creative day doing something outside of my comfort zone with a special human! Joana is clearly a talented (portrait and wedding) photographer and I am so stoked with the photos - it's pretty cool having some professional photos taken, even if just for the family album to look back on in 30 years. Hopefully it also gives Fit Birds new and improved content too. What I really have found the hardest though - is actually looking at the photos and only seeing awesome, creative shots. Mostly what I see is: arms that are too big and muscly, the side profile of my face that is the 'non-flattering side', abs that look funny, and bad hair. I'm wearing leggings so I luckily I'm not worried about the cellulite on my butt and thighs, ahhhh the wonder of a pair of Sweaty Betty leggings! ACKNOWLEDGMENT: I am equally just as aware that I am lucky to be blessed with a healthy, strong, physically capable and sweet body that I do actually love. But at the end of the day, I'm still a normal human that can freak out when confronted with an image of their body. And it's way too easy want to compare myself to all those perfect Insta bodies. Goddam you Instagram!
Moral of this story... I - like you, am learning to get over gawking at the bad shit and embrace the good. Perhaps it's a reminder to be kind to all people out there - because everyone has a struggle with something, whether it's physical or not. Getting over being camera-shy may not be overcoming the biggest of fears - but overall I reckon it'll help me be less of a chicken with other things. Like my biggest fear of all "public speaking" (I feel a little vom coming up just thinking about it).
It's been a nice reminder to be bloody grateful for what we do have - these four amazing limbs that can do all the cool shit, like waving your arms around like you just don't care (even though I'll probably be thinking "I wonder if everyone is thinking, errr look how muscles her arms are?").
Peace-ing out birds. Happy Easter everyone, now go eat all the chocolate eggs! You've earned it. Oh and I'd like to send a shout out to my mum, thanks mum for the abs and strong body you've given me, I really appreciate it!
"You are imperfect. Permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful". nicely said Amy Bloom
Shani x All the photo credit to Joana Senkute Photography You are the best Joana xox