A Breastfeeding Journey

The following is Charlie's journey of breastfeeding her first child, Sadie. As mothers we stand in solidarity with mothers that 'fed is best'. Whatever choice you choose is best. We are lucky we live in a country where formula is readily available (albeit expensive) to us. Breastfeeding is a wild ride, check out Shani's feeding journey for a different ending.

Photo credit: beloved Fitbird and talented friend Tekie Quaye

The stuff of dreams, to be able to feed your baby. To keep them alive solely from what your body produces. Your body miraculously knowing exactly what they need at the right time. Watching them grow and thrive knowing you delivered all the nourishment they needed.

Our breastfeeding journey has come to a sweet end after 17 months, here’s our story. 

When Sadie was born and plonked on my chest, I instantly felt the instinct to feed. Sadie struggling to find my inverted nipple, albeit big and dark (evolution is incredible) we fumbled around and tried to figure it out. I was patient and Sadie was too, so tiny and so dependant on me but so willing to learn, just like I was. 

A few hours after Sadie’s birth in the hospital, a midwife came to check on us. Routine checks of how the latch was going and a few other things. She took one look at my nipples, after trying to rugby tackle Sadie’s head onto them with no luck and me uncomfortably letting her invade my space. The midwife turned to George and said ‘you need to go to the shop and get some formula, she won’t be able to feed with inverted nipples like that, this baby is small and needs to feed now’. 

My heart sank, was this our reality? We’d not even been trying for an hour before she dropped this bomb, thankfully she left us in peace and we kindly asked the other midwife to get that b**** away from us (not in so many words). 

We were home the same day, and we continued to fumble our way through the first few days of newborn life. We did manage to feed, but we had the latch all wrong and Sadie’s flapping hands would get in the way. Her tiny mouth trying to hold on to something. 

My body quickly took a battering, my nipples became cracked, bleeding, red raw. I’d let her sleep longer than I should because I’d dread the feeds, crying through most of them with toes curled and shoulders tight. I was desperately trying to breathe, relax my broken body, to enjoy it. But every feed felt like torture. 

On day five my milk came in, as expected I was an emotional wreck. Often referred to as the 'baby blues' or 'the crash' caused by the rapid drop in hormones. I remember crying in the bath with hot flannels on my chest. In my darkest hour, I reached out for help. 

 Of course the Fitbirds family came through, Shani (wingbird for life) put me in touch with the actual angel that is the Fairy God Nurse and my prayers were answered. 

I was feeling the most vulnerable I’ve ever felt, but the moment she stepped into our home I instantly felt calm. Her gentle hands guiding Sadie and I through this new skill. Her patience and confidence in us, giving us hope once again. 

This was just the beginning, Sadie and I had a long way to go. Health visitor trips that left us in tears, telling us we needed to top up with formula because Sadie was losing weight. The intense pain, that didn’t go away. Tongue tie and going ahead with the division. Low milk supply and taking every supplement under the sun to up it. Nipple shields that I used for 6 months. Pumping in between feeds for hours to collect the saddest amount of milk. Silver cup wearing for months on end and so many purple tubes of Lansinoh nipple cream. Breastfeeding cafes and the round-the-clock support from Vikki. I would look at other mothers feeding and thin 'I wish it was that easy for us'.

We booked a holiday to Thailand when Sadie was 6 months old, not a bad first holiday for Sadie! I’d set myself a target of being nipple shield free for then, dreaming of pain free feeding on the beach in my bikini with my little beach babe. With lots of patience, slowly but surely we got there, we did it. It was finally what I’d hoped and dreamed, I was one of those mothers that made breast feeding look easy! 

From then on it was pure joy, her tiny hands tickling my chest, stroking my face and in her own little way thanking me. I loved nothing more. I have such beautiful memories of the summer months, bare skin touching, sun on our faces, sharing those special moments together. 

Gradually the feeds dropped off, Sadie was taking on more solids and naturally we weaned at a pace that felt right for us. The last few weeks of our feeding felt emotional, knowing we were nearing the end. 

Our feeding journey ended March 2nd. Spring, a season of change. A time for life to grow and flourish. 

Inspired by the book we’ve been reading to Sadie over the last few months, Booby Moon (a beautiful book designed to help with the weaning process), we had our own little family send off. Staring up at the shining moon in the sky, we sent the magic back for the next baby that needs it. 

I feel beyond grateful for the time we shared, even the challenging moments. Breastfeeding will always be my toughest challenge but my greatest accomplishment (and the London Marathon takes some beating!). 

Here’s to the next chapter, Sadie girl. Thank-you for being patient with me. We’re eagerly awaiting the arrival of our ring, being made from my breast milk by Ickle Prints which I will wear with pride and cherish forever. 

For any breastfeeding mother that is losing hope, you’ve got this. You can do it, reach out for help, it’s there in abundance once you know where to look. 

Charlie x